_I can't hide from uncertainty, I can try.
But truthfully I see and I know that this moment to moment recognition
of bare life, of unprotected uncertain life often throws me in search of distractions,
or of cocooning, and trying to make it go away like the boogie man.  Only the boogie man
wasn't really there, and this is.

I also notice the subtle hope that in writing I'll resolve this conflict, I'll wrap it up
in a nice package, I'll understand it better, I'll feel alright.
No.  I remind myself, this is Not going away.
The this that isn't going away is my life, is the Principal of insecurity
it has so many ways in which it morphs.  For me it could sound like defeat, anger, hurt, disappointment, sharpness, over excitement, anything that gets me away from this fragility that has no anchor.
From the turns my stomach does when it glimpses upon this truth.

So why do I write this, I think that when we can contact the truth, the nature of how things are.
There can be an okness with things as they are, without trying to make them into something else, no manipulation required, all the energy that goes into fixing, into pushing away is now available
for whatever.  For me it happens to be to feel this moment, to get in touch with my body, with my gut
with the rawness and the no buffer of life.

There is a beauty here but not the kind that's only happy, and not the kind that doesn't care.
The mixture and entangles truth of beauty, good / bad, pain / pleasure, ugly / beautiful
The fullness I can feel as I write these words as they come out of my belly,
They support me, just as I am.  They help me not run away for a second, maybe two.
They show me, that this is the human condition, not something personal I need to beat myself up for.

Compassion is what truth offers me right now, and I'm thirsty for it.  I'll take it.
The ability to turn inwards with a gentle eye/I


 


Comments

Becky
01/09/2012 07:45

I love your open pure and primal feelings- I share them all-

Thank you-

@Planethealer

Reply
Nofar Ben-Elkana
01/09/2012 08:01

thank you Becky, I really appreciate your sharing & feedback love

@quiverymoments

Reply



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