Right now I feel down, a little lost, and unsure of pretty much everything.
I walked outside briefly, it was still beautiful, stunning view of the city
with the stars shining bright, and the city lights reflecting on the water.

Noticing the shine on the leaves from a street lamp here and there.
I was surprised once again to see how beauty and pain, arise together,
and possibly are the same side of the same coin.

I'm feeling tired of trying so hard.
Tired of being pretty, tired of trying to be talented, to be good.
All to get that longed after praise, recognition and attention.

Perhaps just plain and simple, bare bones life, is enough.
It might not be overly stimulating in the way that feels good superficially.
But over time, my taste grows for the nuance of THIS.
That we call here, now, this moment.

I have tendency for worry, for feeling dark. But also for seeing beauty and looking closer.
Once again, they are not separated, they come from each other with each other.

I'm remembering a Mary Oliver poem:
 you don't have to be good...

You do not have to be good. 
You do not have to walk on your knees 
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves. 
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 
Meanwhile the world goes on. 
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain 
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees, 
the mountains and the rivers. 
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 
are heading home again. 
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination, 
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things."


Thank you for listening to me, and I wish you realness and warmth or whatever floats your boat
over the holidays, and always.
Love.
 


Comments

Jordi Mauri
12/27/2010 07:45

Wonderful thoughts. Thanks. I felt a little bit lost a few days ago... But as soon as i recover some peace that is it.
Happy and peaceful holidays,

Reply
Meredith Graham Anderson
02/24/2012 02:34

I love Mary Oliver. Thanks for this one.

Reply



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